Her: Holistic Health

All is merry and bright

In Uncategorized on December 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm

A line from a song is running through my head about how all is merry and bright, hang your stockings and say your prayers ’cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

All is merry and bright…

I flew across the country to visit my family and sitting in my old bedroom, after a delicious Christmas dinner I find myself struggling to find meaning in this day. When I was a kid it is easy. The day used to be all about the wide and bright grin on the face of a neighborhood boy this morning. He was happily riding his new scooter and there was such pure joy and happiness in getting just what he wanted, his dream fulfilled. Today I find myself struggling to find that well of pure joy. There are no small children in my immediate family so I now find that the opening of gifts, while certainly fun, isn’t where meaning lies.

Please don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I am truly grateful for everything that I have received, from the lovely framed set of program covers from a series of plays I adored this year, to beautiful handmade prayer shawl, to a pair of cozy Keen boots, to the “How to Cook Everything Vegetarian” cookbook, to the copy of Eat, Pray, Love. Everything has me feeling seen in very unexpected and humbling ways.

All is merry and bright…

Yet somehow, after all of the presents have been opened, after dinner has been consumed, the kitchen cleaned up and as we each retired to our corners to watch the basketball game or nap or write a blog entry, I feel as though something within me is not quite content.

All is merry and bright…

There is this bittersweet feeling in me. Maybe I have too many expectations. Maybe I want to hold on to this moment of being together knowing that it is not guaranteed to happen again. Maybe it is being in my old home so far away from my adopted home and what now brings me comfort. Maybe I am comparing my experience to some ideal standard that no one actually lives. Maybe I am missing feeling of service by volunteering at the local food kitchen. In this moment, all I know for sure is that meaning can come from so many different places and I will take comfort in knowing that I get to decide what will make it truly be merry and bright.

“Our obligation is to give meaning to life and in doing so to overcome the passive, indifferent life”~ Elie Wiesel

  1. oh dear valerie I understand where you are coming from. It is a feeling that I have struggled with putting into words. I think I long for a deeper connection with some of the people in my life and yet I am unsure how to break open into that. When things have been as they are for so long how do you do something different? How do you really show your love and appreciation and longing for a deeper connection.

    Sending lots of love your way. Hoping you are able to soak in that sunshine.

  2. beautiful val!
    i love the quote you ended with– a version of one i ended my last post with–
    a life unexamined is a life not worth living…. socrates
    i think the key is you are examining. looking. pushing. wanting. willing to look beyond. to other possibilities.
    i thought a lot about these things myself as i was by myself- just me and my doggy– for 6 days with the flu during the “holidays”. i didn’t feel sorry for myself tho– which i usually do when i get sick and miss stuff. i just kept thinking- wow, what if i was this sick and was homeless???
    i would love to look into some volunteer work….if you are interested. let’s do it! we’ll add it to the crafting, chatting, tea sipping and laughing that we do that i so love and brings such joy to my life.
    sending you hugs and thanking you for this honest, sincere post!

  3. I hear you! I have similar feelings. I haven’t liked Xmas for years now. I usually keep that a secret though because I don’t want others to think I am some sort of bah humbug girl. I really do have a lot to be grateful for & appreciate the meaning behind the holidays…but for me, the holidays just always remind me how screwed up my family is. I find myself looking at other families & being jealous & wanting the connection that they have. I often find myself longing for a day when I have a family & can create my own traditions.

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