Her: Holistic Health

Here I Am

In Uncategorized on November 3, 2010 at 10:35 am

 

Here I am.

I haven’t not written anything new on my blog since August. It hasn’t been that I haven’t thought about it, drafted posts in my head, written down ideas to share in my journal. It hasn’t been because I did not want to be here.  You see, in the last few months I tried to create this grand plan, I tried to decide what I want my voice here to be, to figure out how much of myself to share here. My grand plan involved planning posts that would be decidedly creative or insightful or helpful or inspiring or, or, or…

But in reality what I have been doing is hiding out and avoiding showing up in this space because I am afraid.

Wow, that feels big to write. Writing for me has always been within the safe confines of my journal. I have been writing in a journal since the sixth grade. I have journals dating back to the ancient Dukes of Hazzard spiral notebook where I wrote about the important issues of my middle school days.  I have been writing so long that I no longer know how to censor myself,  to share this part and not that. When I write, I share, I reveal, I uncover. I simply can’t help it and wouldn’t want to even if I could. As I step more and more into my life as a health counselor, I find myself encouraging others to step into their lives, face the places that scare them and yet I was not walking my talk.

This morning I checked my email and there was this brand new comment on my last post 3 months ago. This one lone voice that read my words and thought enough of them to kindly and sweetly comment. As I read her words, I felt something break open within my carefully constructed and planned walls. I realized that there is no plan that I could create that would quiet my fears.  I realized that I don’t have to show up in some specific way to be seen and received by others. What I have to do is show up.

So,  here I am with a heartfelt whisper of thank you upon my lips…

 

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  1. This brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips simultaneously. Congratulations on your bravery and for putting yourself out there in this way. I hope you have been patting yourself on the back all day!

  2. You are a lovely, lovely writer. Thanks for sharing your beautiful self.

  3. Yea! It is lovely having you back and I love what you write because I can totally tell that it is coming directly from that deep, true “Valerie place”. I know what you mean about the journaling (Dukes of Hazzard – wow!) I had the same issue – what goes here and what goes there? Sometimes I’ll start writing in my journal and realize I really want it to be a blog post and then why write it in a book when I just have to re-type it. It’s all good, though. The important thing is to keep on writing, and thinking, and documenting, and learning, and clarifying. Welcome back!!
    P.S. I had some early diaries and some journals from high school, but at one point they embarrassed me and I destroyed them. Too bad.

  4. Wow – I loved this post. You and I are alike in so many ways. Every since I met all you wonderful & creative souls at Unearth I’ve been toying around with the idea of joining the fun…and jumping into blogland myself. But yes, I’m scared that I will reveal too much…the fears of the unknown creep up… But lately I find myself writing entries in my journal like, “if I had a blog, this is what I would say…” So maybe it’s time to take the plunge. thanks for inspiring me. 🙂

  5. what a beautiful post. yes showing up is the most important and hardest step. yet showing up takes us places we never thought possible before. I am so happy that you have showed up here. what a big step that is. one that take enormous bravery and courage. remember how brave you are. I look forward to seeing you here more.

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