Her: Holistic Health

Archive for November, 2010|Monthly archive page

Scenes from A Weekend: The Unfurl Edition

In Uncategorized on November 24, 2010 at 7:41 pm

This past weekend I went away to a beautiful beach house on the Oregon Coast to reconnect with 13 amazing women.

There was time to look out on to the ocean and be soothed by rhythm of the waves.

There was time for laughing and making art together, each set of hands adding her own special touch.

There was time for loving up friends who live far away,

time for dreaming,

time for finding hidden messages that felt meant just for me,

time for sharing words that touched and sometimes moved me to tears.

There was time for afternoon photo walks in the community of friends.

time for vibrant sunsets,

and magical moon risings,

time for pure joy and absolute fun.

I offer big love and sincere gratitude to the scarf sisters who shared this special time with me and who allowed me to show up and be seen just as I am. I also send big love to the scarf sisters who could not make it to Unfurl but whose presence was felt with each hug shared.

 

Unfurl

In Uncategorized on November 18, 2010 at 8:34 am

I am heading out of town.

I am heading to the Oregon Coast.

I am heading into the arms of an amazing group of supportive and beautiful souls.

I am heading into a weekend of laughter, love, creating and being present.

I am heading into happiness.

What the Heart Can Hold

In Uncategorized on November 14, 2010 at 3:15 pm

Friendships are on my mind these days.

My story about friendship was shaped by my early years. Growing up as the daughter of a career military man meant moving around from base to base, continually being uprooted and re-planted in a new environment, being the “new girl.” It was a struggle for me as an introvert, as someone who likes to be on the edges, observing interactions, taking in dynamics, to have to begin again and again. I reread story after story of friendship that lasted through thick and thin, ups and downs and I longed for that kind of constant connection.

Recently, my story of friendship has shifted. A couple of years ago, I chose the word relationship as my word for the year. I had it printed on to a silver disc, placed it on my keyring as a reminder and I promptly forgot about it. Yet now, I look up and am amazed to find myself surrounded by friendships, to find my datebook overflowing with teas and dinner plans, long walks and art dates with this set of amazing women who each light me up in such unique and distinct ways. Somewhere along the way, seemingly without my effort, the word relationship shifted from being a concept, a single word on a silver disc, to being a constant.

There is still a piece of me that holds on to the story of being not good enough. There are the soft remains of the voice that questions who am I to have these brave, dynamic, creative, talented, inspiring and funny people in my life. Who am I to believe that I can keep them entertained and interested through thick and think, ups and downs? What do I have to offer in return? Somewhere along the way I learned that I had to do something or be something in order for others to like me. Imagine my surprise to realize that I don’t have to be anyone other than who I am. What I did not believe before but what I am coming to truly understand now is that what attracts friends, lovers, partners to my side is the pure, unfiltered essence of me. I don’t have to stand on the edges, I don’t have to watch interactions and dynamics to figure out what each person needs. I can drop that part of the story because it has always been untrue.

All I have to do is be me and I can do that with my eyes closed!

So today, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, after a delicious brunch with a lovely new friend, I am just basking with deep gratitude and amazement at how much love this tender heart can hold.

A Bad Habit

In Uncategorized on November 7, 2010 at 9:35 pm


I have realized this weekend that I have a bad habit of leaping without much thought about the details of how I will get from where I am to where I want to be.

I could tell you my story of being born into a world that was all about being careful, about not taking risks, about being safe, even if safe meant not following my heart, my hopes, my intuition. I could tell you my story of how, for a long time, I thought that by living a small, controlled, predictable life, that I would find some measure of security. I could tell you but it would only be a story.

When I first read “The Artist’s Way,” more than ten years ago, I latched on to a single simple phrase that has slowly become the motto for my existence. “Leap and the net will appear.” This simple little sentence, these six little words encompassed everything that I did not know how to do at the time. It told me that I could take a chance and trust that something greater than myself would catch me.

My latest leap has been into a counseling training program and into the arms of over 30 strangers who show up in ways that I could never even have imagined. I wanted to do this program to deepen my skills and connections to my health counseling clients and to do a bit of work on myself.  Now, with two weekends under my belt, with a few experiences of sessions with other students, with being seen and accepted for just arriving in the room, I feel raw and vulnerable and exposed in ways that I did not expect. I leapt into the experience not thinking about all of the little details, like sharing what is deep and real in the moment with strangers as my introverted heart is easily overwhelmed, or what it means to make myself available to each soul that looks into my eyes searching for connection or even what it means to show up with an issue that is so deeply imbedded in the fiber of my being that I can’t even fantasize about how certain parts of my life could be different.

I don’t regret signing up for this program. It is exactly what I need at just the right time. I am just acknowledging that in this very moment, at the end of the second weekend of workshops, that I find that I have a very bad habit of leaping without anticipating the risks involved. I have a very bad habit of pushing my personal boundaries, of sometimes stretching beyond what I thought possible.

I have developed this very bad habit and in the end… it just might save me.

Here I Am

In Uncategorized on November 3, 2010 at 10:35 am

 

Here I am.

I haven’t not written anything new on my blog since August. It hasn’t been that I haven’t thought about it, drafted posts in my head, written down ideas to share in my journal. It hasn’t been because I did not want to be here.  You see, in the last few months I tried to create this grand plan, I tried to decide what I want my voice here to be, to figure out how much of myself to share here. My grand plan involved planning posts that would be decidedly creative or insightful or helpful or inspiring or, or, or…

But in reality what I have been doing is hiding out and avoiding showing up in this space because I am afraid.

Wow, that feels big to write. Writing for me has always been within the safe confines of my journal. I have been writing in a journal since the sixth grade. I have journals dating back to the ancient Dukes of Hazzard spiral notebook where I wrote about the important issues of my middle school days.  I have been writing so long that I no longer know how to censor myself,  to share this part and not that. When I write, I share, I reveal, I uncover. I simply can’t help it and wouldn’t want to even if I could. As I step more and more into my life as a health counselor, I find myself encouraging others to step into their lives, face the places that scare them and yet I was not walking my talk.

This morning I checked my email and there was this brand new comment on my last post 3 months ago. This one lone voice that read my words and thought enough of them to kindly and sweetly comment. As I read her words, I felt something break open within my carefully constructed and planned walls. I realized that there is no plan that I could create that would quiet my fears.  I realized that I don’t have to show up in some specific way to be seen and received by others. What I have to do is show up.

So,  here I am with a heartfelt whisper of thank you upon my lips…