Her: Holistic Health

As of today I am nothing

In Uncategorized on June 21, 2010 at 4:57 pm

I am nothing.

There, I said it, I have declared it, I am happy to shout it from the rooftops…

As of today, I AM NOTHING.

My last post began me thinking about how I have chosen to “define” myself. The internal conflict I felt then was about who I thought I was in the world versus how I was being reflected back to myself in my interactions with someone else. This morning, another random occurence had me questioning myself yet again. Kind of disturbed, I wrote and wrote and wrote about it in my journal. It started with how it was challenging to think of myself as one type of person only to find that when the rubber met the road, I made an unexpected and different choice. The more I wrote the more I began to discover that it wasn’t my actions and my choices that were the issue. Looking back at them, I honestly could not have seen myself react in any other way.  I could only support my choices made in the moment. So I asked, why were these feelings of dis-ease hanging on? Once again, I seemed to have brushed up against how I define myself.

I am this.

I am a person who likes that.

I am a person who does this but not that.

We all walk through the world defining ourselves but does it really serve us or hold us back? Does it define us or confine us? I suspect that those definitions hold and confine me so I decided that as of today I am nothing beyond being Valerie. I reserve the right to make choices in the moment that are right for me.

For example, I haven’t eaten meat in years but I won’t call myself vegetarian because one day I may decide chow down on a turkey burger.

Or I often tend to be quiet and hold back in groups of new people but I will no longer call myself an introvert because one day I may bust out in a song in front of a room filled with strangers.

I reserve the right to change and morph and grow at my own beautiful pace and for me, it feels like in declaring that I am nothing, I am free…

free to be everything.

  1. Valerie! This totally reminds me of a quote I latched onto from the very first day of Flying Lessons. “The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine what you want to be” Neale Donald Walsch
    Wow – It was one of those things that kept coming back to me for the same reasons you are stating here. I realized that I don’t have to define myself by some of the negative traits I may have had in the past. I can change, and in a good way! I may blog about this one of these days, but you have beat me to it and got the conversation started!
    I only hope that I get to be in that room when you bust out in song!! Hugs to you, lovely lady!!!

  2. yes! i so relate to this.
    beautifully written to my friend.

  3. I can relate.

    It reminded me of a Martha Beck article I just read about trying to turn things into either-or when they’re really this-and-that (when this and that seem contradictory).

  4. Oh! I like that! It really IS freeing, isn’t it? To just experience, live, take everything as it comes. No preconceived beliefs about who we are, how we should behave…kind of reminds me of being a child. It’s something that will take practice, I suppose. …to return to the place that place of perfection – or imperfection. 🙂

  5. Loving you big for choosing from the present moment!

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